Conundrum

We Are Family - Sister Sledge
When I was a kid growing up, Christmas was always exactly the same: we'd get up at an ungodly hour, open presents, play, go to church, then gather for a family dinner. The only variation was whether we had dinner at our house or my aunt's: it was always with my mother's family since all my father's relatives were overseas (except for one sister who lived over 12 hours away by car). As we time passed, my older sister got married, but since my BIL's family always celebrated Christmas after midnight mass (old-school Roman Catholic, as opposed to our new-school Roman Catholic), the only change in our routine was that we opened presents after church instead of before so that my sister and BIL could sleep before coming to us. (Eventually, we started celebrating separately from my aunt, for a whole host of reasons not pertinent to this story.)

When MTM and I started spending Christmas together, things were not so simple to adapt, since both our families did exactly the same thing (minus the church part, which my family had stopped doing a few years back). We started out by traveling before Christmas Day to one side or the other (my family lives out of town, hers spent Christmas at their cottage), staying until Boxing Day, and then driving to the other side. Then, when Munchkin was born, we decided that it was important for her (and all our kids for that matter) to wake up Christmas morning in their own bed, that Santa came to our house, and wasn't tracking us from dwelling to dwelling.

The first year we did this, Munchkin was 21 months old and my inlaws were staying with us because their house wasn't built (aside: that Christmas is documented here). My SIL slept over with us, and everything went exactly as everyone (except my mother) wanted it to: early morning presents, family dinner, et cetera.

The next year, we opened our stockings Christmas Eve morning (because we wrap every.single.thing in our 30+ item stockings and they literally take hours to open), did a Christmas luncheon and opened presents with my inlaws later in the day and then had our own (i.e. just the three of us) Christmas morning on Christmas Day before loading up the van and driving to my family (complete story here).

This year, our plan was to spend the weekend before Christmas with my family, then Christmas Day and the 27^th with my inlaws (the 25^th was to be just the six of us since my SIL was out of town and the 27^th was an extended family thing for her side). There was talk of a Boxing Day thing with my inlaws (including my returning SIL), but I shot that down because three days in a row with my wife's family would have been too much for all of us.

Unfortunately, the weather had other plans. The new plan was Christmas Day with my inlaws, then drive to my family on Boxing Day (the 27^th had since been canceled). Originally, we were keeping this from my mother in light of her previous reaction (see link above), but MTM spilled the beans accidentally on Christmas Day, making the call early on Boxing Day morning to make our second cancellation (snow, followed by ice pellets, following by freezing rain, followed by rain does not good driving make) that much more difficult. We ended up driving on the 27^th partly due to reasonably good weather (warm temperatures, some rain, and lots of fog) and partly due to the fact that my sister and her family were doing a day trip that day.

When MTM called her mother to tell her we'd arrived safely, my MIL was upset that we had gone. Apparently, after the bad weather on Boxing Day, she had suggested we travel to them on the 27^th for a big family dinner with my SIL and her boyfriend, and MTM had said she'd consider it if we were in town. The feeling of disappointment was understandable, however, what she said to MTM during that call (that it was "their year" for Christmas, so we should have stayed in town for dinner with my SIL on the 27^th - bearing in mind that we spent Christmas Day with my inlaws) was what triggered a myriad of emotion from MTM.

Long story short, Christmas is complicated around these parts. My side is pretty set and will be identical every year (at least until my younger sister finds someone). MTM's side is more difficult because my SIL travels to her boyfriend's family too, making co-ordination necessary. We have formulated a plan that would define a set schedule for our (MTM, the kids and me) whereabouts every year that we will propose to both sides after the holidays are over. It is our hope that by making our routine consistent every year, it will make the holidays easier.

(For those who are interested, our plan is as follows: dinner with my inlaws on December 23^rd, sleeping over at their place that evening, having a "Christmas morning" on Christmas Eve, then spending the day with them and heading back to our place after dinner. After our Christmas morning on Christmas Day, we would drive to my family and have dinner with them, spending a couple of days there. My MIL gets her nose out of joint about the fact that we sleep at my parent's place but not at hers - because we live 35 minutes away - so we added the sleepover at their place to appease her. However, never getting Christmas Day dinner with us may present a problem, as will the fact that this plan means they cannot travel to the cottage Christmas Eve, unless we adjust our schedule back one or two days, which may or may not be feasible depending on my work schedule.)

I know everyone has challenges when sharing themselves with both sets of grandparents at the holidays, or birthdays, or Thanksgiving, or whenever, but it feels like our situation is unnecessarily more complicated than most. Is that the case, dear internets? What do you do to appease everyone?