TTS: Time Travel

Babylon Zoo - Spaceman

I was bored last night in between the time the munchkin went to bed and my regular television shows came on, so, being a SciFi Dad, I decided to do a little time travel. Where did I go, you ask? I went back in time exactly three years, to find SciFi Expectant Father, and offer him the opportunity to ask me some questions. What follows is a transcript of the exchange.

SciFi Expectant Father: So you're me, but from the future?
SciFi Dad: Yes.
SFEF: But, aren't you worried about messing up the space-time continuum?
SFD: Shut up with the time travel consequence talk and ask me deep, important questions. I've got a blog to write for.
SFEF: You write a blog?
SFD: Focus, damnit!

SFEF: So, is it a boy or a girl?
SFD: That's your first question? Seriously? Fine. It's a girl.
SFEF: Really?
SFD: No, I just time traveled to lie to you.
SFEF: I'm a lot more sarcastic in the future.
SFD: I can't believe I used to be you.

SFEF: OK, what is being a father like?
SFD: Think of life the way it is now.
SFEF: OK.
SFD: Do you have a clear picture?
SFEF: Uh, I do live it, like, right now.
SFD: And you're a lot more sarcastic in the future?
SFEF: Being a father...?
SFD: OK. Think of life as it is now. Then, shake it like a snow globe, throw it across the room, and lie it upside down.
SFEF: So, different?

SFEF: Is changing diapers as gross as I think it's going to be?
SFD: No.
SFEF: Whew. Thank goodness.
SFD: It's much, much worse.
SFEF: Crap.
SFD: Yep.

SFEF: Will my kid listen to my music, like I hope?
SFD: Until she's aware of the world around her, which in this case is about three months, she'll love jazz like you hope. After that, she'll like dance music and easy listening from kid's movies.
SFEF: So she doesn't like U2 like that cool five year old we know?
SFD: Not even a little bit.

SFEF: What's my, uh, our kid like?
SFD: She's sweet and kind and thoughtful.
SFEF: That's nice.
SFD: And probably smarter than MTM and you put together. We are so screwed once she figures that out.
SFEF: Good to know.

SFD: And with that, I must be off.
SFEF: Why are you talking like a comic character now?
SFD: Shut up.

Afterwards, as I sat there thinking about what had happened, I realized that I had no idea what to expect at that time, and no amount of questions were going to give me a better picture. Becoming a parent is a life-changing event, but trying to describe the sweeping nature of the changes to someone who is not a parent already is nearly impossible.

I wondered, Would I appear that stupid if "future me" offered me the same opportunity? Would my questions be as foolish to him? I suspect the answer is yes, because just like pre-parent me could not fathom what life would really be like at this juncture, I cannot properly grasp what the future will bring for my family.