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Recently, MTM has been out of the house a lot more. Between going to the gym, seeing friends, and going to card-making and scrapbooking workshops, she is attempting to embrace more freedom in her life, and I have been encouraging her to do this. However, she has expressed feelings of guilt because I don't go out with the same frequency.
Last month, I went out for a pub night with the MBT crowd. It was the first time in a long time that I had gone out without my wife and daughter. (Usually, my excessive daddy guilt prevents me from doing stuff like that.) When I came home, I remarked to my wife that I enjoyed going out, and that I should do it more often. She agreed (perhaps a little too emphatically).
But the more I thought about that night, the more I realized that while the MBT women were nice and funny and that my time at the pub was enjoyable, that wasn't what I enjoyed the most about that evening (no disrespect to the MBT group). No, what I enjoyed was the solitude as I drove into town, parked the car, and rode the subway.
See, I've never been one for the huge group of friends. I've always had a close few, and even those I saw irregularly at best. Before I met MTM I could quite literally come home from work on a Friday evening and not exit my apartment until the following Monday when I returned to my place of employ. I could go days without talking to anyone, seeing anyone, or going anywhere. I enjoyed time inside my own head.
So, when MTM encouraged me to take some "me time", I knew that she meant call up some buddies and go for a drink or two. She even went so far as to say that I needed to find some people that I enjoyed spending time with (knowing that my current circle of friends are spread out across the GTA, requiring massive co-ordination for a get together), to which I replied that I already had: her and the munchkin. (Whether your reaction to that is "Aw, how sweet!" or "Uh, that's not normal," doesn't really matter to me. I enjoy time with my girls; they are my favourite people to hang out with.)
That wasn't what I wanted for "me time". What I wanted was a couple of hours by myself, where I didn't have to "be" anyone: father, husband, best friend, whatever. Just a couple hours to be anonymous and not matter to anyone (more or less).
So, on Saturday night, I went out. To the movies. By myself. I saw I Am Legend (which, incidentally, wasn't terrible, but could have been so much more than The Omega Man ripoff it was) and came home feeling great. I'll probably do it again next month.
image courtesy of Aimee (Greeblemonkey)
According to Chris of Rude Cactus, today is Delurking Day. So, if you're someone who reads and never comments (also known as "lurking"), today is your day to click through and leave a comment to let me, your host, know that you're out there. (I'm looking at you, pregnant wife of a reader from a nearby city who cares enough to call her husband when she can't get my blog to load but has never commented. Today's your day!) Of course, if you're a regular commenter, I want to hear from you too!
After you're done leaving your comment, there's a new Daditorial up where I take a look at a wrongful life claim that has its roots in a fertility treatment gone wrong.
20 shared their side:
Ok, ok, let me just set something straight here....you make it sound like I was trying to get rid of you! I was simply trying to encourage you to do something outside of the house without me or the bunny. Yes, I was thinking with a friend (or group of friends), but that is because that would be my choice for ME. I respect the fact that you enjoy "me time" by yourself and I am very glad that you enjoyed yourself :)
I'll take the bait and de-lurk to say hello.
Also that I, too, am a person who enjoys "me time" by myself... While I enjoy time out with my friends, I need time out with just myself.
SciFi - I also admit that sometimes my favorite part of those rare times of "free" time that the best part is the time on my own. I bring the iPod and book and revel in the subway solitude. So no disrespect read about what you said ;)
obviously I have lost my command of the english language - but I think you understand my point even if it doesn't make sense - best part of free time is alone time - is it Monday? no? Oh... I have no excuse other than exhaustion!
Hey! I love that song! I used to listen to it all the time in college and totally forgot about it until now. Now I have to go see if I can dig out the CD from somewhere (or I'll just *legally* download it again - ahem).
I send Mike out to the movies alone all the time. I'm not a big movie person; I can watch them on DVD and be just as happy but he insists (and he's probably right) that some should be seen on the big screen. And though I agree and have gone to certain films with him, for the most part, us both going to the movies isn't worth it. It;s like 100 bucks with a babysitter and such. And he enjoys the time to himself.
For me, I like to go to the gym and sit on the bike and read my book. Or sometimes, I'll just get in my car and drive with the music really loud or amble the aisles of Barnes and Noble aimlessly.
We all need our own time - no matter how we define it.
i'm a big believer in "me time" but that might be because i have THREE kids... bwah!
SciFi, I agree. I have only a couple close friends (my blog co-writer is one, but he is in FL, while I'm in NC), and I am quite content to have some solitude. I guess that is one reason I stay home with Mr. B and my wife has the traditional job.
Uh, hi, my name's Anthony, and I'm a pathological lurker.
-*whew*-
FWIW, my "me time" is my daily commute back and forth to work on my bike. It's been damp lately (what, rain? in Vancouver?) but other than the occassional road-rage at dumb drivers/cyclists/pedestrians, it's rather peaceful and calming.
You hit the nail on the proverbial head when you discussed how your "me" time had to be something that relates to who you are and what you need. If someone else is defining how you spend that time, even if it is well intentioned, it may not seem like it is truly "yours", so realizing you would prefer the solitude of a movie by yourself to really feel like you have spent "me" time, is terrific. There is no universal definition of "me time", it really is an individual thang!
And you also point out that parents sometimes need another person (often the co-parent) to say "Go take that time! I want you to! Do it!"
Lot's of parents tell me that when they are able to spend some "me time" it results in "us time" later .i.e. Hot Monkey Sex
Just sayin...
[sarcasm]
I *love* Blogger's openid implementation.
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-Aerodoq
1. I am about halfsies on introvert and extrovert. It varies by age and stage a bit, for me, but the constant is that I always need my alone time and life is ugly without it. The more stress and less alone time, the more I need to be alone.
2. I sent this post to my husband because oh boy can he relate, especially to dad guilt.
3. I can relate to enjoying the alone time in the car. I think it's my third room these days (is that what it's called?).
4. Glad you went and had a nice time.
You guys are so low key. The DC folks trumpeted their get-together before and after, us Texans are too (we meet this Saturday---expect glossy photos galore) but I have not heard a word about the MBT one.
Delurking to say hi. I like the alone time too, seeing as when I'm at home I have two girls hanging off me at all times. Living 45 minutes outside Ottawa and working downtown provides 2 chunks of me-time almost every day.
Happy Delurking Day!
I'm a solitary individual as well. Large groups tend to overwhelm me. Hell, more than three people standing around me and I start to hyperventilate and you'll soon find me rocking back and forth in a dark closet.
I'm all about private 'me' time. So I understand this.
Completely.
I am wife to the pathological lurker, and I agree that his bike commute time is his real "Me" time. I am so glad he gets that time because when he doesn't ride his bike for a while he gets a little cranky. :)
I like to poke around high end kitchen stores for my "me" time. Is is so wonderful to be able to go through and not have a toddler's hands trying to grab everything.
Woot! I came back to check and make sure you got your double digits! Yay!
So this means I suck less now, right?
That is SO COOL that you went out by yourself for me time. That's MY kind of me time, too!
And, I'm of the "Aw, how sweet!" camp. ;)
First time reader... I followed a convoluted path to your door. I am enjoying your posts! I am one of the "alone-time" people as well. I like other people but need time just to myself as well. Being mommy to three kids doesn't leave much time for that anymore, unfortunately! Love the kids but could use more peaceful me time! Anyway... Happy delurker day... a day late!
De-lurking to say "Ha!" you thought I wouldn't comment! Better late than never anyway.
And I too enjoy "me" time.
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